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Thursday, December 20, 2012

Santa and his HOA

[My HOA management company has a sense of humor. Our HOA manager sent this in an email today.]

c/o Mr. B.A. Humbug
Glacial Management Company

December 21, 2010 

Dear Mr. Claus:

We are instructed by the Board of Directors to inform you of the following violations:

Your sleigh is a recreational vehicle, which is prohibited by the covenants. When we told you to move it from your yard, we clearly did not intend for you to place it on your roof. Please remove it from your premises.

Red and green colors on your house clash with the common scheme of the neighborhood. You must choose colors from our approved color list and submit an application for repainting to the Architectural Review Committee.

You are feeding wild animals which appear to be diseased. The sickest is the one with the shiny red nose. Some would even say it glows. You must discontinue this practice immediately, or we will call animal control.

You are storing toys and games in a huge canvas sack in your yard. Be advised that all outdoor storage must be approved by the Architectural Review Committee, and must be of the same style and finish as your house.

It appears that you are operating a day care center and/or workshop in violation of the CCRs. Through the fence, we hear the sound of laughing, playing games and shouting out with glee. There are numerous small persons on your property and the clatter and activity is disruptive.

The amount of mail you are receiving exceeds what will fit in your architectural approved mailbox, so you must make arrangements with the postal service for alternate delivery at a post office box or a business address.

You have made unauthorized modifications to your home which allow you to enter and exit through the chimney. You must submit an architectural request for your new entry, including evidence that this modification meets all state and local codes and is in harmony with other homes.

You have been observed making a list and checking it twice, finding out who is naughty or nice. You have no authority to do that, and it is divisive. It is the function of the Compliance Committee to determine who is naughty or nice.

Thank you for your cooperation and understanding. If you do not comply within ten days, we will refer these violations to our attorney.

North Pole Homeowners Association

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